Does My Grief Make You Uncomfortable?

Grace-drops fall like the rain, in tandem with the falling of my tears. Overflowing mercies from above envelope me as I sit here and I grieve.

But I grieve nevertheless.

I am grieving at parties when I sit and chat with you and smile. I grieve while hauling my baby into your various fellowship areas. I visit churches and meetings and groups and I am grieving while I worship with you. My heart has heaved while singing songs and tears have bled out during prayers.

I wish to talk with you about something other than my grief; I don't wish to burden you.

I know that grief can make others feel uncomfortable and as if they need to carry the world currently sitting on my shoulders. And so they sometimes keep their distance. I have done it too.

I understand.

It's as if a colossal train wreck has occurred and I am the sole survivor. I hear what you are saying, but it is muted and sounds as if spoken in a faraway tongue. Everything is rain-streaked and gray. The clouds have visited my house and have out an overabundance of pain.

I feel empty inside.

Like a tree who's been hollowed out.

And I rarely discuss my suffering because I don't want to push you away, but believe me, it is always there. I can't separate it from myself; it cleaves to me like a bad disease without remedy.

And maybe you're suffering too. You don't wan to wallow in self-pity but you're consumed.

It's like a traffic accident of the worst magnitude and you're busted up and broken. You've been beaten and bruised, perhaps discredited and now unsettled. I don't know what's happened to you, just as you don't know fully what's happened to me, but I just know that many of us are carrying heavy loads. It's as if the pain is like an injury in stitches that has a long time needed to heal.

You're not lazy or self-indulgent...you're just hurting and you don't need Pharisaical judgment and added insult to injury. Trust in God and in His goodness and give yourself time and space for the wound to heal. Apply a liberal dose of His word and healthy sprinkles of prayer, a smattering of fellowship and the right friends at the right time. 

And if you're someone not suffering tonight, know this: You don't have to be able to carry the world to sit and to hold someone's hand. You're strong enough for that. I know you are. In this way we fulfill the law of Christ and bear the burdens of one another. Perhaps that is why He puts the grieving in our midst. 

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