When He Asks For Sex And You're Tempted To Turn Him Down

You feel the tap on your shoulder.

You know which one.

That tap right before bed, during baby's nap time, or during any other time that just feels like a chore or like one more thing that you have to do when you're already dog-tired.

I know.

I understand.

I do not judge you.

I just want to take you by the hand and speak to you an idea that you might not have before considered. Husbands, assuming that we're talking about the healthy ones, are sometimes able remind us to hit the pause button and to invite some fun into our lives in the form of playfulness and fun.

Our minds are focused so intently on go, go, go, making sandwiches, getting to the meeting on time, doing the homework, getting the slip to the teacher before it's due, making schedules, wiping butts, soothing sores, helping boo-boos, kissing the unkissable scrapes and bumps just to make them better, and doing anything and everything to keep everyone together while wearing a dozen or more different hats in the process.

I get it.

But unlike the stiff-upper-lipped ladies of fundamental religion who will talk, and so often, unbearably, of duty and sex and the needs of men and all that stuff, which ironically, is not sexy, and so often a throwback to a yesteryear long since passed, I want to talk about play. I want to talk about how play is good for you and not some drudgery you just have to get through to shut him up. This is about the sometimes unnoticed need that you have.

Yes, dear friend, you.

You expected me to be talking about him and his needs, didn't you?

Maybe some other time.  

I want to take this opportunity to take a look at how we view this job of parenting and motherhood, of being his other half and of being the captain of the good ship Lollipop, the leader of a thriving gaggle, nay, a strong army of little people. It's hard to raise small people up. It takes skill, determination and planning, as well as whole heaping doses of grace from the good Lord above.

It tends to be a role we take so seriously, as we should, but so seriously that we end up a bit wound, finding ourselves unable to shift mental gears from work, work, work, to relaxing play with our husbands. Think about that a minute. It's not one more thing to do, one more thing you have to do, that thing that you grit your teeth to just get done because, ugh! An invitation to play is something we, too often, deny ourselves in the name of sacrifice and duty. Again, this is assuming your relationship and life falls within the realm of relatively normal and not abusive. 

Take a minute and see if your dedication to your life, to your things, and to your people could be taken with a bit of play worked into it. Are there tasks you're doing for others that they could do for themselves and if not, could they lessen in importance a bit? Could you view them something less than earth-shattering, even if just a little bit?

Could you see your husband's invitations to play as an addition to your life, instead of a subtraction?

As not just one more thing you have to do, but one more thing you get to do?

Do you sometimes forget to breathe? To take really deep, relaxing breathes? To take time for yourself, even if just a few minutes?

It's often been said that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. What if we viewed the tap on the shoulder as an invitation to relax and did not protest hugs because they will lead to kisses which will then lead to sex. 

Consider this: God created wild animals to play. Even though it can be dangerous to let down one's guard out in the forest, God designed the animals to risk it for the importance of play. It's that necessary. 

It might be a welcome change to view the whole thing as a get to rather than a have to. Perhaps the reluctance to do so is a sign we need to take it down a notch and invite more play in our life. Perhaps we can make a small shift to change our perspective. Perhaps we could all do with a little more grace and with a little more playfulness. Our partners might just thank us. 

    'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
    Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
    Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.

We rejoice and delight in you;

We will praise your love more than wine.' Song Of Solomon 2-5

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