When You Feel Like A Loser Parent

I had a poor parenting experience the other day. My baby would not stop tantruming. And while this is something she does at home, I loathe for other people to see it. I feel it labels me with a neon sign that says 'loser parent'. And it's not the first time this has happened. 

When parenting in public there never fails to be an abundance of less-than-stellar turnouts of terrible behavior. There was the tantrum she threw at the mall for no apparent reason. There was the full-butt explosion in church with diarrhea everywhere, that one time. The list of things that make me a loser parent are sometimes endless.

And that's before anyone even asks whether we'll be giving her a brother or sister. It's also before I log unto Facebook or Pinterest. I can't do themed-anything and crafting, for me, is a joke. Crocheting is an impossibility and I'm fortunate if I can manage to make Baby keep her shoes on. We won't be posting to Pinterest anytime soon. 

And this isn't my first time around the public parenting block. There was the foster kid I had who knew who to push every button imaginable in the arsenal of loser parenthood triggers. And there were plenty of strangers to confirm the inevitable hall of shame moments. There were phone calls from people, too, who didn't like my usage of a point system because it was 'so negative'.

I've had my share of waiting-room stares and sideways glances from the old lady at the food court. I've felt like a failure more times than I can count. But I don't share this for my benefit. I share it for yours.

It may sound strange, but the voices in our heads condemning us for something our parenting faux pas are contradicting this all-important Bible verse. 

'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,' Romans 8:1

No condemnation. God doesn't look at you, striking points off your good list until you're off his roster of favorite children. He isn't keeping tabs on you until the day when he affixes the loser label to your forehead. He didn't give you your children or anything else just so He could beat you over the head with false guilt.

I'll speak for myself here and say that I think the loser parent complex also strikes us with a host of seemingly-unrelated side effects. Sometimes we feel the need to overcompensate or posture in ways that will lessen how bad we feel in other areas. Sometimes we spent undue amounts of time going in circles between paralyzed defeat and hurried, unnecessary activities which will boost our parenting self-esteem. 

Does what we're doing ever feel like it's more about our competency as parents than how much our kids actually like or even appreciate what we are doing? Maybe we could save all that energy and believe we are already accepted by Jesus (unless we really just like all that stuff :)) 

Sometimes we find ourselves in competition with other parents, even if only just in our own heads. 

So whether you're struggling with sleep schedules (we are), or are struggling with food issues (always a pain), or experiencing bathroom troubles (sarcastic yay!), or having an epic meltdown at the mall, say it with me, therefore, there is now no condemnation. 

If you're hearing condemnation it's not from God. It's not even from Pinterest. It's from an enemy who seeks to keep you distracted and defeated. 

But there is no condemnation. You are not condemned. You are doing your best. Your kids love you even if they're acting nuts right now. And you know what? God loves you too. Stop listening to those voices of condemnation, shame, guilt and mom-bashing, even if they're only your own. You are not a loser parent; you are a loved parent. 

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Other Posts You May Like:

Loving People Straight Into Hell

Adventures In Self-Sabotage

Christians: Trust Your Gut




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